Across the hall in our office building, we have a telemarketing firm in which a bunch of ruffians are employed. We have a good time terrorizing them. A co-worker of mine is a comedic genius (not just in this instance), and made a fake memo that looks just like it came from our building management and then snuck into the telemarketing firm and placed it in their inbox. Here is the text of that memo…
Memorandum

To: Building Tenants

From: Property Management

Re: Unlicensed Animals

 

---

It has been brought to our attention by our security company that one or more chimpanzees have been brought onto the building premises. While we respect the working needs of all our tenants, this building has not been zoned to allow for this type of animal.
All seeing-eye/hearing-ear dogs, helper chimps, etc., must be fully licensed and accompanied by certified personnel. Allowing these animals to move throughout the hallways unescorted is unacceptable and will result in civil and criminal prosecution if violations persist.
While we appreciate the kinship and friendly antics of our simian friends, it is sadly an unavoidable reality that they pose both health and security risks, and on more than one occasion have caused damage to the building premises, in one case ripping down a corporation’s logo and attacking it with shoddily whittled spears.
We consider ourselves to be accommodating landlords and wish to do everything within our power to ensure that all employees, particularly those with special needs, are comfortable and enabled to achieve their job functions. We must insist, however, that all activity adheres to legal guidelines. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call us at 480-xxx-xxxx.
Thank you.

No Comments Yet